I can’t improvise to save my life. Never really could, but now I especially can’t. I think I’m finally beginning to figure out why.

My mind and thinking are extremely compartmentalized. I have a lot of different facets to me, and each one has its own compartment. There’s a compartment that’s engaged when I write, there’s a compartment that’s engaged when I read, there’s a compartment that’s engaged when I do math, there’s a compartment that’s engaged when I play music, et cetera.

Once, I was able to transfer between these compartments quite easily. Now, however, it seems I get stuck. My biggest problem seems to be that I can’t seem to find the compartment that would normally be engaged when I speak, and so I have a lot of difficulty speaking. It could take me a full minute to get out a single sentence.

Generally, speaking is all about improvisation, when you think about it. You engage yourself in a conversation, listen to what the other person has to say, and then form your words in an instant to respond, with certain criteria (the words have to be relevant, intelligible, in the proper order, etc.).

There should be a compartment to do this, and I know I used to have one, but I can’t seem to find one. Now, I get stuck in my writer mind when I try to speak, and I have to think carefully in order to get a proper sentence out. When I can’t, and I have to speak fast, my words come out very simplistically.

I’m trying to work on this. However, it’s very difficult, and forming a new compartment could take years. I’m a bit scared, I must admit…